I just have bad habits I guess
like i chew on my nails no matter how old
i get and i know it makes me look thoughtless
but wait until you see how often
i gnaw on my lips
because i’m basically addicted
maybe i’m just trying to tear off the
last bits of skin
that felt your kiss
and sometimes i take cold showers
or refuse to towel off and even though
i hate not being warm it’s because
my brain gets stuck on some ideas like
burning a few extra calories without
trying very hard
kind of like how it got stuck on the idea
that you might still love me even after
all the pretty wore off
and i have a habit of panicking about times
like i can’t be late to anything or my body becomes
an explosion and my words become
you were the first person i would have rather spent
those five extra minutes with like i would have
shown up late to everything if it meant
just a couple continued moments of us
lying quiet in our bed
and i like reading more than some people and
i will try to pet every dog i come across
and i am just really awful at crossing streets
like for no reason my timing with that is actually
horrifying and i like to touch every water feature
around me even if it’s in some highclass lawyer place
where they frown at you for running your fingers
across their wall fountain and occasionally i spend
like an embarrassing amount of time in my pajamas
and i always procrastinate no matter what i have
for homework and i also have this thing where
i second-guess everything i do
but by far my worst habit
is not being able
to stop loving you.
"He left without a reason or saying goodbye and I can’t breathe." /// (r.i.d)
Don’t let me get attached.
Please don’t. It will make it too hard when you leave. I know one day you will lose interest. You will find someone better. You will move on.
So please don’t let me get used to talking to you. Don’t tell me your favorite songs. Don’t kiss me or hug me. Don’t touch me at all. Don’t tell me your hobbies or favorite movies or your favorite places to go. Don’t tell me anything. Just go away now. Because you will leave anyway and I know I can’t handle it. The pain of hearing your favorite songs. Remembering the feel of your touch. Driving past your favorite places. Seeing your favorite movies. Not talking to you.
I don’t want to have to miss you. So don’t let me get attached. I don’t know how to let go. So don’t give me anything to hold on to. Because you will be gone and I would rather be turned down. Than to constantly miss you and what we could’ve been.
Don’t let me miss you.
Don’t let me get used to having you.
Everyone leaves, I know you’re no different."